There is a soft rain that greets me as I slide open the backdoor to let Max out. It looks like it has rained for hours but the tiny beads still haven’t had enough time to cover everything. My neighbor’s fence is still dry at the bottom leaving the dry wood looking like stalagmites that are shining against the abyss of a cave

I don’t mean to start off with a weather report. I really do hate that. It’s just how it is, that’s all

Not even enough rain to soak my hair completely unless I run my hand through it. Something I eventually end up doing as I wait for Max to do his business. I can feel the tiny drops that have been standing next to each other on each strand of my hair spread evenly and melt together under the pressure of my stroke

I am almost embarrassed to admit that I watched “Twilight” this morning. I was so excited to wrap myself in a blanket and prop myself up on the pillows of the couch that I forgot I am not 12 years old anymore. What a drastic change that time gives our perception of the world. It was awful. The acting in particular. I, like every girl in the world was so into it at the time that I argued “Team Edward” over “Team Jacob” like it was the end all debate of the reason for existence

My dad took me to see it. I remember his face when we were leaving and couldn’t understand his disappointment

“I was never really into the whole vampire thing” he eventually admitted

“Why?” I asked “Wouldn’t you want to live forever?”

“Hell, no” he laughed “I couldn’t imagine the hell of being immortal and watching everyone you ever knew die”

“Are you afraid to die?” I asked

A few quiet minutes had passed between his statement and my question

“No” he said as he never took his eyes off the road “Not really. Maybe when I was your age. I am more afraid of what happens to you when I am gone. I remember feeling lost for years after my parents died. Like it was never going to stop hurting. It never does, I guess but it gets easier. I hate knowing that you could feel that way.”

“You’re not going to die” I said “Sorry”

“What did I do so wrong that I deserve eternity?” he joked

He had a dark sense of humor that I miss so much

“Your life isn’t that bad” I argued

“No” he said “My life isn’t that bad. Life in general is. The way things are. The more time that passes the more people never change. I couldn’t imagine living forever and having to watch everyone else doing the same things to each other over and over”

“You’re not going to die” I argued again

“Okay” he laughed and pulled me close to hug me

I guess I don’t want to live forever

I miss him



Author: The Unamused Muse

You know me better than I do.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s